In a cozy house in a small town, Eloy always looks forward to the arrival of his grandchildren. Every night, around a crackling fireplace and with a mischievous smile, he begins his stories by saying: "Did you know that when I was young, I went to Gobekli Tepe and ended up having a barbecue instead of building a temple? But that’s not the story I want to tell you today."
It was the year 79, and there I was, strolling through the busy streets of Pompeii. What a marvelous city! The smell of spices, wine, merchants shouting impossible prices, and me, being the curious guy I am, wandered into a market where they sold everything: from fish to amulets that were said to bring good luck. But I didn’t need luck! What I needed was something to protect me from the sun because, let me tell you, kids, I was redder than a Roman tomato.
—And that’s when I saw it... the biggest umbrella I had ever seen in my life. It was so huge, it could have covered an entire team of gladiators… with all their fans too! And without squishing them! The merchant who sold it to me, a guy with fewer teeth than excuses in a school test, told me, with his sardine-smelling breath, that this umbrella was "the ultimate protection against anything the sky could throw at you." I laughed, of course. Rain of birds? All I needed was some shade so I wouldn’t melt like a candle!
I spent the next few days under my new, shiny umbrella. It was like having my own little sky following me around! I enjoyed watching people running here and there, buying, selling, arguing. I became the King of the Umbrella. But… Mount Vesuvius, that big sleeping monster, started to sneeze.
Yes, yes, you heard me right. People joked, "Vesuvius has a cold!" We all laughed, as if a sneezing volcano was the funniest thing in the world. But you know what’s not funny? When one day the volcano decides to stop sneezing… and explodes.
The day started quietly. I was, as always, under my giant umbrella, sipping wine that was more watered down than your grandpa’s jokes, and suddenly... BOOM! The ground started shaking like Hercules was doing push-ups under the city. Screams filled the air, and when I looked up, I saw a huge black cloud rising from Vesuvius. It wasn’t just any cloud. It was like the sky had decided it was time to turn into charcoal!
People were running like someone had announced free wine. Total chaos! And there I was, with nothing better to do, running towards my umbrella like it was my only lifeline. Because, of course, in my head, this magical umbrella that promised to protect me from the sun… would also save me from a rain of burning rocks! And, friends, you won’t believe it, but it did!
Stones the size of melons were falling from the sky, and I, hiding under my umbrella, held on like a medieval knight with a giant shield. A modern hero in a Roman toga! The rocks bounced off the umbrella, the heat was unbearable, but there I was, sitting, nibbling on an olive, as if I were having a picnic in a fiery inferno.
The city went dark in the middle of the day. Vesuvius roared, and ashes fell everywhere. I could hear people running in panic, but me… I had my umbrella! And that, my dear ones, made me feel invincible.
After hours of chaos, ash, and screams, I thought to myself: "Eloy, you can’t stay here forever. Get out from under the umbrella and do something." So I grabbed my giant shield... I mean, umbrella, and started walking through the streets of Pompeii, like an improvised hero. People looked at me, unsure whether to admire me or call me crazy. But who was the crazy one? The one running like a headless chicken or the one marching covered under an umbrella the size of a house? I’ll leave that to your imagination!
Finally, I reached the port, where some fishermen were trying to get their boats into the sea, but the waves seemed to be fighting them. Neptune must have been in a bad mood. So, with no other options, I sat back under my umbrella, waiting for the volcano to calm down.
And after endless hours, Vesuvius ran out of ammunition. Pompeii was buried under the ashes, and me… well, I survived. All thanks to that gigantic umbrella which, who would have thought, was truly the ultimate protection against anything the sky decided to throw.
Now, off to bed! Tomorrow, I’ll tell you how I convinced the Phoenicians to trade onions for gold. And that’s how they became incredibly rich! Good night and sweet dreams.